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annadeus
annadeus

dickspeak:

acting cool around ur crush

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guy:

being cremated is my last hope of getting a hot, smoking body

versacebitch:

loungezombie:

versacebitch:

the worst thing about speaking two languages is trying to use an expression from one language that fits perfectly into your conversation but the other person won’t get it

i dont speak two languages but i speak fandom so i sort of get this

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iguanamouth:

last year one night me and my old roommates were all playing twister and mike was on the spinner and halfway through the game he kind of mumbled to himself “i sure hope im calling these right” and then everyone in the room simultaneously remembered that mike was colorblind

pajamaben:

"Billy where is your homework?"

"im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it”

jesuschristvevo:

really close to my next thousand!!!! calories that ive consumed so far today